Sex Language

Is your body sex language holding you back?

Are you having a tuff time meeting other couples, or does it seem they do not want to approach you? Your gestures and posture may be saying more than you know. Body language is the single most important means of expressing ourselves. We often think a lot about what we want to say to others, but forget about our posture language. Here are some body-language goofs.

Crossing your arms and legs:
The message: This gesture says you are closed to whatever the other person is saying. “I wish you were not here or I am protecting myself.”
The fix: Find something to do with your arms that is comfortable with out crossing them. Try one hand in your pocket; let your body get comfortable to feeling more open. Remember placing both hands in your pocket makes you look nervous and uninterested. Holding something in your hand (a glass) can also remind you not to cross your arms. Practice sitting with your arms relaxed, hands in your lap and legs side by side.

Twisting your jewelry, playing with your hair:
The message: You look like a nervous teenager.
The fix: These habits are so ingrained that often we do not even know we are doing them. Next time you are feeling nervous, take a mental inventory of what is going on with your body. Each time you are tempted to start fidgeting, take a deep breath. Another trick is the next time you are in a group of people, focus on someone who looks self-confident and relaxed. Emulating their behavior will make you aware of your nervous mannerisms and help you stop.

The message: I am not feeling competent or I am depressed.
The fix: Force yourself to stand and sit up straight. I had an Aunt who would come up behind me and thumb me in the back to get me to sit or stand straight. Try to hold your head up and smile. If you are looking up your head your body will follow. Ask your partner to help. Michael and I watch each other and remind each other to sit tall and stand straight.

Avoiding eye contact:
The message: If you refuse to meet someone’s eyes you are giving the message that you are nervous, unconfident or worse .. untrustworthy.
The fix: Practice maintaining eye contact for slightly longer periods. You may feel uncomfortable at first but you will ease into it. One good trick is to look the person right between the eyes. This shift will make you feel comfortable and connected. Try not to shift from eye to eye is a rapid manner it is very discomforting to the other person.

Looking around the room.
The message: This gesture comes across as arrogant or rude. The same goes for continually glancing at your watch or phone.
The fix: Even if the subject matter steers from you, look interested. If it is too boring to pretend then excuse yourself politely and walk away, or try changing the subject. If you are caught glancing around simply say with an apologetic smile, I am waiting for someone, I see someone, excuse me. As Dennis would say “Stay focused”


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